In 1965, I saw the famous photo of the Vietnamese Buddhist monk sitting in the meditation posture in the middle of the street in Saigon. He was completely on fire, but clearly at peace, and not experiencing any pain.
After seeing the picture I wanted to know what could be in his mind. It was like he was thumbing his nose at the establishment and the importance of killing and war.
To learn about meditation and Buddhism I went to the five Buddhist churches in San Francisco. One of the priests directed me to Suzuki-roshi who was teaching Zen Buddhism and meditation to westerners.
After I met Suzuki-roshi in 1966, I committed to practice Zen meditation (zazen) everyday under his guidance. In 1971 he gave me the Refuge and Bodhisattva Vows (To Attain Enlightenment For The Benefit Of Others). Receiving these Lay Ordination Vows clarified my life’s goal.
By going for refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha everyday, I have remained inside Buddhism continuously. After Suzuki-roshi’s death in 1972, I stayed in his Lineage, practicing zazen and helping to establish Zen centers until 1986 when I met my second teacher Geshe Kelsang Gyatso Rinpoche, who had arrived in England in 1977.
Geshe Kelsang introduced me to The Stages of the Path to Enlightenment. A very clear presentation on how to accomplish the Bodhisattva Vow. Geshe Kelsang was the teacher I was looking for after Suzuki-roshi died and I have been under his guidance ever since.
Today my practice is focused in Oaxaca, Mexico. I’ve been here ten years and teaching Buddhism for the last seven years. I enjoy and love what I do. People love me and I love them and together we are discovering the deeper meaning of our life.
From an early age I’ve wanted to be an ordained Buddhist monk and through my study and practice over the years I naturally want to pass on what I’ve learned. This is a two way street, because without the warm hearted and kind Oaxacans my path would have no meaning. Plus, I now have permanent residency and can focus on becoming a more active member of the community without having to worry about my immigration status.
My priority today is to continue to give Buddhist teachings and create a center in Oaxaca. We will soon have a website and be able to reach out to the wider community. Our situation has changed and not only giving more weekly classes, we now have accommodations for people to stay for longer retreats or who are visiting Oaxaca and want a peaceful and quiet place to stay. To rest and reflect. Our priority at the moment is to generate enough money every month to pay the rent and keep our vision alive.
Prior to moving to Oaxaca, I was living in a Buddhist meditation center in New York state when a friend from the community invited me visit Oaxaca where he had a home.
Shortly after, he invited me to stay on in Oaxaca and take care of his home. The situation was ideal because for the first time in my life, I didn’t have to pay rent, and could focus on my practice.
Other people started approaching me for guided meditation, and eventually that grew into a community that met in various places.
Suddenly, nine years later, my friend asked me to move out. I never learned the reason. This created unexpected chaos in both the group and my personal life.
But in that moment, from my practices, I could see that this kind of pattern had occurred several times in my life. This time, I saw the situation at deeper level than ever before.
I found that I didn’t have to respond in the ways I did in the past, that I could have compassion for my friend instead of defaulting an angry response. And even though I had no certainty about how I would pay my bills, I felt equanimity and peace.
The result is that now, there is still a lot of uncertainty in my life, but despite that, everything is falling into place beautifully for me to fulfill my intention to have a permanent center in Oaxaca. Even during this phase, I was able to continue to give classes every week.
When I first learned meditation from Suzuki Roshi, at first it was a challenge to do it every day, even though each time I did, I loved it, and felt happier and had a much clearer mind.
I don’t know exactly why I kept up the practice, but it seems now that it was my first rudimentary experience of faith, that I was on the right track. Before then, I was a happy kid, but had no real sense of why I was alive.
As my study and meditation practice grows, I’ve recognized who I am: someone who endures through life’s ups and downs, while knowing that I can peacefully, with the help of others, deal with anything life sends my way.
I want to leave as my legacy that I am making an effort to practice Buddhism purely and sincerely, and that I am able to share my good fortune with more people than I have ever done before.
I feel like I have had an incredible life. I’m proud of the experiences I’ve had, and can’t even believe I’ve had them. I want to be able to share my story with others, especially my son Clay. Currently, I’m 75% finished with my memoir, and I aim to complete it as part of growing the center.
